Make-up sex: truth or myth?

In the past, I have heard many people talk about how make-up sex is better than any other and how all problems disappear in bed. Here, toys do not count; no matter how many you have, nothing can help but a person of flesh and blood.

From my family affairs, I was much more accustomed to being punished with silence as the only possible consequence of a fight. Days, weeks, sometimes months of silence. I remember when Grandma and Grandpa didn't talk for weeks, but he still got lunch on the table at the same time each day and still took care of buying groceries. The same is happening with my parents. Not that I wanted to have a show of make-up sex at home, but the fights were enough to get me thinking. Maybe I could use the make-up sex in the future.  

Today is the future that I was talking about, but I have succeeded in having make-up sex only twice, and even that happened after a day of silence when I could no longer remember the original fight. There was nothing like in the movies when two people have a big fight, followed by a moment of silence, and then end up having wild sex on the kitchen counter. It sounds so, I don't know, cinematic. But can it really happen without trying to follow a virtual scenario in your head?

Some sexologists argue that this type of sex exists in real life, not only in movies. The hormones testosterone, adrenaline, and cortisol are again the most common culprits. Above all, the latter is the one that makes us start looking for closeness and connection. However, it is equally good to know that this cocktail of hormones can also work in the opposite direction, pushing us to solitude.

People look for evolution as the next most common reason for make-up sex, as sex after an argument is said to unlock a deeper part of our psyche. Sex after an argument is supposed to trigger relief and excitement at the same time. Others argue that the anxiety we feel when yelling at each other and the arousal we most often feel before or during sex are related feelings. They both accelerate the heart rate and, consequently, the blood flow and breathing get faster. It's no problem that our brains get it all wrong and lead us to sex. Although conciliatory sex is popular among couples, as it triggers strong emotions, some of them admit that they prefer to withdraw in the following days after the bedroom make-up, as they have not yet overcome the quarrel that led to the bed.  

However, some cases are not the result of hormones, evolution, or similar things, but their reason lies in the trauma. During a fight, we often feel abandoned; we fear that we have no meaning for our partner and that this quarrel is the beginning of the end. That is why some people find their salvation in sex - it functions as a confirmation that everything is still okay. At that moment, the universe aligns and gets us to a good frequency.  

Sexologists' opinions on the usefulness of make-up sex are divided. Due to the cathartic effect and the extremely strong feelings that sex after a fight brings, some vigorously defend it and do not see anything bad in it, while others also see the dark side. As we teach dogs with conditioning today, in the eyes of the sexologists from the dark side, make-up sex is a reward for bad behavior. They also see the manipulation of a partner. In this case, make-up sex only smears our view, and conflicts remain unresolved.  

When I read the results of the latest research, I found that in most cases, sex only happens about a day after an argument, just as I described my experience in the beginning. An interesting fact was that most couples dismissed the label of make-up sex as the best sex that ever happened to them. But on the other hand, they were more satisfied when they had post-conflict sex than when they didn't.  

Although there are many reasons for and at the same time against make-up sex, the bottom line for me is that evolution is not important, nor hormones, but the human personality. If we are tied to a partner who prefers to withdraw after a conflict, it is stupid and childish to force him into sex that will not bring him any good, and consequently to us neither. Make-up sex is not a matter of the script in our head, just as we are planning to the last detail, the most romantic Valentine's evening. Sex happens or it doesn't, and that's its greatest charm. In the worst-case scenario, after a conflict, you can still throw a plate or two on the ground to calm the mind.