All things end

Everything ends, although the minutes when we feel great run faster than when we count down the seconds to the end, that is nowhere to be seen. I am writing this article slightly depressed. My vacation days ran too fast, and the end was just around the corner. I wondered about the honeymoon when I leaned against a new working week's door. This phase passes every relationship, and it is crucial whether we will stay together or go our separate ways already at that point.  

But the honeymoon phase is not the only relationship phase we know. It is the sweetest, but each relationship goes through several phases; therapists know five of them. Doubt, denial, sincere love, disappointment, and merging occur cyclically and not linearly. Some romantically describe it as the alternating stages of falling in and out of love. I prefer the merging and bonding phase (falling in love). Yes, I know, corny, but it's so perfect. And the best thing? I like that the hormones flood my body and give me the feeling that everything will be okay and that nothing can be wrong. There is usually tons of sex at this stage, sometimes even enough to annoy you at times. During this period, our judgment is clouded (mine is usually always), and we overlook our partner's mistakes. My main mistake during this period is that I know too well that it will not last, and I am inadvertently waiting for it to go wrong somewhere.  

After my phase of open eyes, or in therapeutic jargon, the phase of doubt and denial is marked by the perception of differences between us and the partner. At this stage, a light bulb lights up in my head, my vision sharpens, and I notice absolutely everything. Towel thrown on the floor, panties with a big hole, finger licking and smooching. A completely different person is standing in front of me. The traits I used to idealize are transformed into something ordinary. I no longer feel that tingling between my legs while observing my partner doing some of the things that I found special before. This is the point where I usually lead the relationship to daily conflicts that lead to an inevitable end, so I prefer to avoid all phases. I am not the most flexible person; I find it difficult to apologize and even more difficult to admit a mistake in an intimate relationship. I was slightly comforted to read that conflicts are commonplace at this stage, but I was immediately put in my place, as the most valued skill during this period is conflict management. At this stage, the differences between the partners begin to get noticed.  

The next stage is the disappointment phase, which is the same as the previous one in my language, or they are mixed in many cases. Patient and persistent people overcome this phase by resolving conflicts and acknowledging that it can no longer be the same as in the beginning. I wonder at this point where the beginning got lost and what I see in front of me. This is followed by the question of whether I really need to do this. But because I want what others have, I restrain myself and remain silent until I feel the next hurricane in me.  

This phase is logically followed by a decision phase, which should be a turning point in any relationship. Conflicts become more difficult, there are more secret escapes, and there is more detachment. This is where we usually decide whether we will move forward on our own or whether we will stay and strive for the relationship. We can also stay and test the limits of both patience and compete to see who gets the valve first.  

After all this torture, there comes a sincere love that I have not experienced in all my thirty-some years. During this period, it should be easier for couples to cope with problems and overcome obstacles together. It is possible to focus on the issues without feeling threatened. There is more relaxation; some feel the same excitement and passion as in the beginning.  

Then the seasons turn around again, summer becomes autumn, and quarrels and disappointments are on the table again. But after each rain, the sun shines, and the cycle begins again. Unfortunately, like anyone who has not come this far, I doubt that at any later time, you will be overwhelmed by the feeling you were used to from the honeymoon phase. Because we want it so badly, we go hunting again, hunting for pleasure and the feeling that someone is waiting for us somewhere.