When fingers are not enough

Before my first erotic toy, I was masturbating with the help of my fingers and vivid imagination. When this one became too overdone, I got the most stupid ideas on how and with what I should help myself reaching the orgasm, like a banana or cucumber that I used later on my face or when I wasn't careful, even in a salad. Occasionally, a giant teddy bear, edge of a desk, and a strong jet of water were also good. Eventually, I replaced all of the above with vibrating silicone.

Pred kratkim pa sem naletela na spletno stran My Masturbation – Masturbation Stories from ONE THOUSAND Real People, ki me je vrnila v tiste stare čase. V primerjavi z nekaterimi drugimi načini samozadovoljevanja, so moji še nedolžni. 

According to the stories, women very often help themselves with curlers. Yes, you read that right, hair curlers. Fortunately, they avoid heating it. I admit this was the first time I read that women use this accessory for something other than curling their hair. Although we get them in several different sizes, I wouldn't dare to put them in my peach. 

In contrast, most stories related to men's masturbation are not about the objects they use but are hiding under the title "When My Mom Catches Me".

The story that amused me the most was a story of a boy who came home after a date with his girlfriend; his balls were blue, and his penis had the size of the Eiffel Tower. Because he urgently had to put out the fire between his legs, he searched the whole house in the middle of the night to find empty bottles. And he found it all right - an empty bottle of bleach. He tied it to a pillow, filled it with water and handkerchiefs, and started. Somewhere halfway to orgasm, he noticed that his penis was stuck. And because he didn't wash the bottle well, the Big Guy was burning. He had to wait for his mother to take him to the emergency room. The doctors freed his Precious.

The fourth most common foods used for masturbation among men are bread, especially loaves, mango, cucumber, and meat. This would be the perfect basket for men. When they go to the butcher, they are choosing between chicken breasts, liver, and beef. Supposedly everything is very similar to the structure of the vagina. Surprisingly on the women's list, I didn't find much food, just sausages, even reheated ones. Instead, they use many kitchen utensils, from butter knives, serving spoons to ice cream spoons. I hope they wash them well before use.

If this is not enough and vibrations are needed, women have a solution - an electric toothbrush. You can use it everywhere - on the clitoris, nipples, or in the vagina. They also suggest using a mobile phone, but only leaning it on the clit. I also know this from my own experience. 

Pillows and plushies are popular with both sexes. Men have to dig a hole so they can use them, while women can just ride them. And the feeling is not as bad as you would think, especially not in combination with a vibrator and some filthy images in your head. 

If I used to make a little fun of guys who used a vacuum cleaner for masturbation, loyal users of this technique are supposedly also women. With the help of a tube, they recreate the feeling of sucking a clitoris. Interesting, but maybe too dangerous. Sucking can be too intense for the clitoris, and the suction tube of the vacuum cleaner is full of bacteria.

Although we have all been looking for ways of spicing up our masturbation, some of the options described are uncomfortable and dangerous. While some of them sound appealing, you can land in the emergency room, embarrassed and in pain thanks to your stupidity. So it may be better to save some money and buy yourself a toy if your fingers aren't enough. 

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